If you’re anything like me, you have a habit of putting the happiness of others before yourself. Sure, being selfless is generally a trait that is applauded, but it’s important to keep sight of your own personal needs as well. I have recently realized I have a bad habit at not only trying to make others happy sometimes at the expense of my own happiness but gauging my own happiness off the happiness of those around me.
Let me explain further, as I’m probably making it sound worse than it is. I’m an inherently happy person. I’m that girl who’s always laughing, always smiling, and always having a good time. Times get tough, but this world is so beautiful and I’ve been blessed with so much that I can’t help but smile. That being said, I am also a very social individual. I find immense joy in improving the lives of other people. Seeing someone else smile = smiling Lisa. However I recently read a quote that rang very true in my heart: “Someone you’d do anything for could one day turn around and say, ‘but I didn’t ask you to’ and the sad part is, they would be right.”
Now, this quote is a tad bit over the top, as most people will be grateful when we go out of our way for them. But to me, it speaks more to the extent of what you’re willing to do for people. I am a bit ‘over the top’ in most aspects of life, and spoiling people is no exception. A giver is simply what I am, but I catch myself often giving too much to the wrong people or giving for the wrong reasons.
Giving isn’t bad, but what I think is often my own downfall, as well as the downfall of many others, is giving for the wrong reasons. Now I don’t always do this, I try very hard to incorporate selfless giving into my life often. But my over-the-top-self tends to give even when giving isn’t at all necessary. This is when my giving unintentionally turns from an act of selflessness into an act of selfishness. How, might you ask, is giving when it’s not required an act of selfishness? These times of giving are where I most often find myself expecting something in return. Not something in terms of monetary value, but more so giving in hopes that it will earn the affection of whomever the recipient may be. This, my friends, is where giving can become dangerous.
It is important to give time, affection, and the occasional gift to the ones we love, but it is equally as important to make sure we aren’t doing so in order to earn love in return. When we give to those who are important to us, we must do so in a reasonable manner. Give compliments where compliments are due, give affection in an amount that makes you happy, and give gifts when they are earned. But try hard not to go overboard with any of these forms of giving. In my experience, ‘over the top’ efforts are often not returned to the same extent, leading to disappointment. Does this mean the recipient doesn’t return our feelings to the same degree? Certainly not! But it’s important to understand that people have very different ways of showing affection, and it would be unfair of us to judge someone’s feelings because they fail to show love the same way we do.
If you love to give, then give. If you love to make people happy, absolutely continue to do so. However, make sure you’re doing these things without expectations. Never act in a certain way to earn the love of others for yourself, rather be selfless when giving in order to better the lives of others. Focusing on this will help you weed out your acts of selfishness from your acts of selflessness, helping to put you on the road to a better quality of life.
Shedding Light 