(I’m going to preface this article by saying I didn’t realize there was such controversy over the correct spelling of judgment. Apparently, judgment and judgement are both technically correct. However, the Merriam-Webster I have says judgment, so that’s what I’m going with I guess. )

There are several occasions throughout life where you’ve more than likely been told “just be yourself” in an attempt to assure you that everything would be alright. This phrase is popular amongst parents when their children are starting a new school, a new sports team, or maybe even a new job. But until recently, I never realized how often I’ve heard those words and neglected to take them to heart.

I’m fortunate enough to be in Newport Beach, CA right now, visiting my dear family and friends. This trip has been great– full of reconnecting and reminiscing about old memories. However, there’s one troubling thing I’ve realized while thinking back to high school: There were so many situations in which I changed the way I looked, talked, or acted due to a fear of being judged for who I am. 

High school stereotyping and judgment is real, and in my opinion, it’s getting worse daily. It inhibits young adults from truly finding themselves because they’re so preoccupied with pretending to be someone else. This issue, however, is not one-sided.

I’m going to approach this issue regarding two perspectives: someone with a fear of being judged, and someone doing the judging. It takes work on both ends for hope to improve judgment in our society.

If you have a fear of being judged, you’re definitely not alone, and that in itself is an issue. It’s unfortunate that so many people are affected by this fear of not being accepted for who they are. I suppose it’s only natural, we as humans crave love, relationships, and acceptance, therefore we fear that any quality of ours may inhibit any of those things from coming true. Because of this, we attempt to conform to social norms, assuming that the more like everyone else we are, the less likely they are to offer us criticism. While this may have some truth to it, at some point we need to stand up and say, “I don’t care!”

Now I’m not using this “I don’t care” approach to encourage people to act out and be reckless regardless of what people tell them to do. Do what you want within reason. If people are criticizing you because you’re being rude, or have a bad attitude, then maybe give them a listen and try to positively change your behavior. But if people are criticizing you because of the way you dress, the people you associate with, about your dreams and aspirations, there needs to be a point where you stop listening.

Try not to bother yourself with stereotypes. If you’re not perceived as “cool”, don’t make yourself unhappy trying to change other people’s views of you. Wear what you feel happy and confident in. Surround yourself with people you love who make you smile. Talk about things that interest you, and don’t pretend to be interested in things you couldn’t care less about.

Will people judge you? Maybe. Will everybody like you? That’s almost impossible. But you’ll be doing what makes you happy, and more importantly, you’ll have a better understanding of who you are and who you want to be.

All this being said, try not to judge people. Just because someone is different from you, just because they don’t walk, talk, or act the same doesn’t make them weird. Everyone in life was dealt different cards, each person is unique, and someone’s individual likes and dislikes don’t make them any less, or make any more of you.

When you catch yourself about to criticize someone unnecessarily, stop yourself. It’s okay to voice your opinions, but if you’re about to say something that will do nothing other than tear someone down, refrain from doing so. Try to spread some positivity instead. Rather than give someone a judgemental look, try smiling at someone. Instead of avoiding getting to know someone because they hang out with a “different crowd”, try striking up a conversation and getting to know them for yourself. You may be pleasantly surprised.

Remember to let your decisions and actions reflect who you truly are. Respect yourself enough to not suppress your desires, and treat others with respect as they chase their dreams. Nothing but good will come from spreading kindness and acceptance to your peers.

“People tell others to be themselves but then they judge them. But the people that judge are too afraid to be themselves.” -Anonymous

 

 

Photo by James Hamilton